The Naming of Maria and Anne

I love love love hearing the story behind baby names, so I wanted to share my girls’ names because they’re so close to my heart!

Before I even start, I want to warn that my childhood nerd is gonna come out. Because I was about 12 years old when I decided on these two names. Being from a family full of boys, I thought I might get lucky and use one…I still can’t believe that I was able to use them both one after the other!

Backstory (I say as a cringe because sharing your childhood imagination is just a big ‘ol dose of humility): My dear friend and I played pretend so much growing up. I mean…so much is an understatement (how many kids play pretend over the phone?? Anyone? Just us?). We created countless worlds and stories, and those imaginative worlds absolutely formed my childhood. And our first and most constant in our early years revolved around Maria (me) and Anne (my friend). They were so different and yet similar to who we were in real life.

Maria was mischievous, confident, spunky, and hilarious.

Anne was poised, conscientious, kind, and the gentle leader.

Those two characters we had created were so close to my heart, that I used to dream and hope to name two daughters Maria and Anne. I had zero idea that not only would I, but they’d actually be so similar in personalities to their original (imaginative) namesakes.

When Mark and I got engaged, we knew we both wanted all the babies asap after getting married, and talked about all the baby names. I’m pretty sure I started off the conversation with “I really want our first two girls to be named Maria Rose and Anne Therese, K? K!” Luckily, he’s a gem and said “K sounds good!”

Maria Rose

74D814BE-A0CE-4B49-AFC0-FC73A949B060
My crazy, spunky, incredibly protective, and loving girl.

 

Advertisements

The Birth of Anne Therese

Whelp. It’s been a hot minute since I blogged. But life, and toddler, and birth.

Speaking of birth.

Here is Little Anne’s birth story! Disclaimer because all birth stories are kinda a lot. So if you’re squeamish stop reading now. 

Unlike Maria’s pregnancy, Anne’s pregnancy was way fast (not really, but having a toddler can make time go sooooo much faster), and yet way more emotional. We thought we lost her at 5 weeks, but praise God we didn’t.

The rest of our pregnancy was an absolute blur of constant first/second trimester nausea, and third trimester nesting. We found the most amazing birth team, led by our rock-star midwife, Jeanine. We felt SO confident, and safe, and cared for!

BabyAnne-001

Then, we found out we were breech. Ohhhhhhh so many tears, and exercises, and laying upside down on ironing boards (Thank you to our awesome friend/would-have-been-birth-assistant, Theresa, for that!). All I could see was C-section in the future, and was heartbroken. Mark, my ever voice of reason, reminded me during that time that a safe birth with a baby at the end was the goal. That, coupled with the countless safe options presented to us by our midwife, I came to terms with it… but spent every waking minute trying to turn this super chill little girl. No exercise had flipped her, and we had an ECV scheduled with an amazing doctor set for the Wednesday after we reached 37 weeks…

…so days before reaching 37 weeks, I sat on a birthing ball sobbing while holding a frozen bag of berries against where I knew her head was (because COME ON LITTLE GIRL, it’s SO NOT comfy laying sideways in there!), and then I felt her actually FLIP. All the praise hands!

After all that adventure, we just waited on little girl to be ready. My mom and brother were visiting, Maria would be taken care of day or night, Mark was working from home, so we asked our midwife to examine me just to get an idea (because I had tried and couldn’t find my cervix, which was weird since I’m a pro at it usually, thank you NFP).  Right away, she goes “Oh! That’s the head! It’s sitting so low it’s blocking your cervix.” Meep! We were 3-4 cms, and she told my mom to make sure we had a good meal and slept well because we’d probably have the baby the next day.

Sure enough. We woke up in labor at 5am (the morning before our due date, just like Maria!), and we went in to the birth center at 6:30 (by way of McDonald’s because we were no where NEAR active labor. They were at BEST 12 minutes apart, but we didn’t want Maria to see us leave), and were met there by our midwife as well as our super awesome birth photographer and doula, Megan. So we did what anyone in labor does…

…we watched a movie and laughed while I squatted and bounced trying to speed things up (I will never watch Harrison Ford’s Sabrina the same ever again).

Active labor still hadn’t started, so I told our midwife and Mark we were trying to power walk (I was deTERmined we were having this kid today!). So Mark and I walked around the block, and laughed, and held hands…and just did NOT look like a couple in labor. We stopped into the Adoration Chapel next door to the birthing center, and I started to be so afraid of labor stopping. I can’t count the times I worried I was just inconveniencing everyone. At 9:40, back from our walk, I told our midwife how worried I was that my contractions were petering out. She suggested nipple stimulation, and that she could just massage the membranes and that we were absolutely having our baby today, so not to worry.

Around 10am, in a matter of minutes thanks to very basic nipple stimulation, I went from this…

img_2878

…to this…

img_2879

Within minutes we were fully in active labor, contractions very strong, and at most two minutes apart. I very quickly had to stop talking and chatting between contractions, and just focusing on relaxing and staying on top of the pain. I had my labor intentions in front of me, and I just held my rosary and breathed.

img_2880

I really stopped paying attention  to time around 10am…but I’m guessing around 11 something I started transitioning and wanted to get in the tub because I felt myself starting to lose control.

img_2881

img_2882

Omg. If you can birth in a tub? Do it.

 Mark (with his bad knees and bad back), was my rock. I pulled and leaned on him for every contraction. At one point I said “No! I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you!” And everyone laughed and Mark (trooper that he is), laughed saying “Don’t worry about that, you aren’t hurting me.” (Lies. Because apparently I very much was. Because apparently I’m incredibly strong. Meep. Three cheers for you, Mark!)

BabyAnne-016.JPG

As soon as I got in the warm water, I started experiencing so much doubt. My hospital birth with Maria was the only birth standard I had, so I felt so much guilt for doing what I wasn’t “allowed” to do in the hospital; listen to my body. My midwife listened to every single doubt as I blurted them out (Even in hindsight, all my doubts were reasonable, but not at all likely…and she answered every one with how we’d handle each one. All while I’m actively baring down, and headed towards pushing. Because she’s just the best!)

 All the doubts gone, and encouraged to listen to what feels right, I felt my water break and I suddenly flipped on my back, and just pushed. And by golly, it felt right.

BabyAnne-020.JPG

With Maria I was too scared to reach down when everyone started exclaiming how much hair they saw (because no WAY was I that far along). This time I totally didn’t believe it, but I reached down and felt the softest little head. Oh my goodness, I can’t even write about that moment without tears. I was meeting my little Anne right there. And she had more hair than Maria. I just kept my hand on that little head and cried/talked to her the rest of our labor.

I had told my midwife the entire pregnancy that I didn’t want to tear, oh please help me not tear, OMG I JUST DON’T WANT TO TEAR! (Can you tell I tore with Maria?? Lemme tell ya, Maria’s postpartum suuuuuuuuucked. No thank you.) So Jeanine’s assisting midwife, Adrienne, coached me through crowning. Wowwwwzers painful but SO worth it. I breathed, screamed, shrieked, clinched, but gosh darn it, I did not push. And this chick barely tore (Thank you, Jesus!!)!

And after maybe minutes of pushing (although it felt much longer), at 12:59pm, out flew the cutest little chunk. I grabbed her to my chest and she didn’t even feel the need to cry. Of course after Maria’s birth that made me panic, but Jeanine just told us to rub her little, slathered in vernix, back. And she cried the prettiest, healthiest meows.

BabyAnne-024.JPG

BabyAnne-033.JPG

There it is. We snuggled, we laughed, we nursed (guys. She’s the BEST nurser. Thank. Goodness.), and then after we were ready and done being monitored, we went home and cuddled with Maria and Anne (who have loved each other fiercely from the start!). I have a feeling Anne’s birth will always be my best birth because I just can’t imagine anything topping it.

IMG_2713.JPG

Some Days Will Break You…

…and last week was some of those days. 

Do you ever feel that way?? Totally defeated? A failure? The absolute worst?

I’m reading a Motherhood Devotional that my Mother-in-law gave me and stumbled upon these words;

“There are a million ways to be good enough, the first of which is to keep trying.”

That. Right there. 

I love my daughter. I love my husband. I love my home. 

But there are days that the house legitimately looks like it’s been robbed (my blog name is no joke). There are days that I honestly don’t know if I hugged my husband. There are days where no less than five times a day my daughter screams at me while kicking and pushing because she’s so tired but also teething three monster teeth. 


And I’m a perfectionist who’s never perfect, so I’m already losing right out of the gate.

I so often forget that A. I’m human. B. No one but me is expecting perfection. C. I can’t possibly be the only mother to cry into my coffee after the third night of teething horror. 

The perfectionist in me needs to let go of what I expect Motherhood to look like. Because it will never look like that. I need to acknowledge in myself that being the perfect mother means taking a deep breath and trying again. 

The beauty of this vocation isn’t in the Instagram-worthy moments. It’s in the blessing that I am always challenged to better myself and realize my own limitations.

ANNNND since I’ve been gone forever and a day….here’s a photo dump of all our Holidays! Happy Thanksgiving/Merry Christmas/Happy New Year from the Pearson’s!



World Adoption Day!!

In our family, adoption has always always always been close to our hearts. It’s no secret we’re pro-life (every life!), but it’s so much more personal than that. It gave us the ability to BE a family (and while we definitely hope to someday adopt, that’s not how).

Our family IS a family because on April 13th, 1992, a birth mother in Hong Hong chose life (…and before you say “Wait! I thought he’s Filipino?!”…he is. Just like I’m Irish. The end). We’re also ABLE to be a family because in the fall of that same year, my Mother-in-law and Father-in-law saw a picture of that little boy in a Hong Kong orphanage and said “That’s our son.”


Adoption was (and is) a loving, sacrificial choice that created a family.

His birth mother could have so easily felt like she had no options for life. My in-laws could have just as easily chosen another little boy’s picture. But I thank God daily that they all chose adoption .

I’m grateful that the birth-grandmother of my daughter chose adoption. I’m equally grateful that my baby’s grandparents brought their son to the States and raised him to be the man, husband, and father he is.


Adoption is certainly not without pain. I can’t comprehend what a birth-mother feels, or parents of a failed adoption, but it’s certainly a pain that is accompanied by the greatest, most vulnerable, Christlike form of love. 

There’s an Oil for That…

I’ve officially entered the Essential Oil using world. 

I’m mildly obsessed.

I never ever used Oils. Looking back that seems really surprising. Never? And yet practically every friend of mine seems to swear by them?? Clearly I wasn’t having the right conversations.

I was finally introduced to essential oils through a fellow UDer, the lovely Catherine of The Simple Essential Life. She gave me a sample of lavender because when she asked me what I needed help with, I said SLEEP. It’s the truest thing. Sleep is what I think about most of my waking hours. So, I was super psyched to try anything at all that might help!

My daughter is beautiful. Funny. Sweet. Loving. But she has always become a gremlin when it came to bedtime. I’m talking screaming and kicking. I read all the things. Maybe she was going down too early? Nope. Maybe too late? Nope. Solid bedtime routine? We were just getting better at that…but every time we got to laying down she freaked out again. 

The irony is she’s usually a champion sleeper (when cosleeping. But that’s a completely different story). 

So I tried the lavender.

Omg.

That first night, I mixed it with coconut oil and used it instead of lotion for her massage. Awesome. Then the tricky part…

I dabbed a couple spots on the bed where we sleep. I laid down with her and was instantly taken back to my best friend’s house at a sleep over (weird right? Wrong. Apparently her mom used essential oils religiously. Go figure!). She relaxed and fell asleep nursing within 5 minutes (duh! You nursed her to sleep. Easy out. Not my child. My child is the most restless nurser ever.).

I was hooked. 

Now we’re in love with Peppermint. Looooooove. I don’t react well to coffee…but a couple drops of peppermint in a glass of water = feeling more awake than I’ve felt since pre-pregnancy! And as Maria is currently trying to pull down our entire stack of dvds…feeling awake is my friend. 

I’m excited!! I can’t wait to share all the awesome smelly goods, scientific facts, and practical uses!! 

Now… I’m on a quest to protect my terrified dog from a grabby crawler. Pray for me.

When a Man Becomes a Daddy

Parenthood is not for the faint of heart (nor is the TV show…so. many. TEARS!). It can make you into a comPLETEly different person. It forces you to confront the good, the bad, and the ugly (those 12am, 3am feedings, man. I feel like you shouldn’t be culpable for what’s said in those wee hours).

And it can also transform the man you love into a daddy braver than the bravest knight.

I loved my husband the moment I met him (as I always told my students, our story is my FAVORITE story…). And from that moment he already would’ve taken a bullet for me. 

But his little girl. 

It’s just the most beautiful thing in the world to watch them love each other. 

(Did they get each other right of the bat?? Nooooo…but newborns are tricky, and this is our guinea pig child. So learning must happen.)

I think something starts to click in a man the minute they see those two lines. Maybe guys are faced with all their insecurities, or they watch their freedom flash before their eyes…I can’t pretend to know. I DO know that I watched Mark become a Daddy physically and mentally the moment I came gasping out of that bathroom. In the moment he knew teeny cells had formed a new person, he was emphatically in love.

I’m the worst at being taken care of sometimes. My poor husband wants to protect me from any and all dangers, and I just run around in bare feet, climbing all the things. Pregnant even. So we had many a talk about staying safe, keeping babe safe, and not living THAT close to the edge. And when you have a man who cares for the two of you that deeply that it hurts him to see either of you in danger…you swallow your silly, independent, stubborn pride, and ask someone else to climb on that counter (except at school…where I gave my students heart attacks by climbing on top of desks 9 months pregnant…)

 After dealing with my reckless self, Mark takes no risks with his little girl. It drives the poor guy crazy when I let her sit knowing she’ll bonk her head and cry (babies’ heads bonk occasionally…I swear she’s fine). I think her cries hurt him more than me. That goober man would do absolutely anything to make her smile.


But the bestest way he protects her is not something physical at all. It’s himself. It’s awe inspiring how hard he works to improve himself and how much he sacrifices to be the man for her. The man she can look up to and depend on. A model for how her future husband should act. 

He is our St. Joseph. A man who isn’t perfect. But a man who moves mountains (or climbs them) to protect his family.

 He’s not perfect. But he constantly chooses to try.

(You get us, Anne)

7 Quick Takes

We learned our lesson. Never move without a Grandma or host of big kids to entertain baby! (Moving while teething is no picnic either) That said…we did it! It’s a mess…our lives are swamped by cardboard boxes…but we moved.

And I’m linking up with Kelly for 7 Quick Takes for the first time because my thoughts are as random as our current living quarters.

~1~

Making an Apartment a Home Takes Some Doing.
…but a classmate of mine wrote an awesome post about why it matters. And I think it’s inspired. So…one room at a time, I’m working at this home making thing (when Maria let’s me. Because clearly she’s the boss). I might share the finished products as they come…and I might not (mainly because I might be too embarrassed by how many millions of years it’ll take me).

But I WILL do it. Slowly.

 ~2~

We’ve Entered the Land of Giggles and Smiles!

After what felt like issue after issue, Maria has FI-NA-LLY taken a detour from the Constant Grumps Highway. Now it’s all sunshine and sparkles (Ha. No. She’s a baby. Tears and screeches are still rampant.) But it IS wonderful. She smiles and laughs, and she seems to ACTUALLY enjoy us. 6 months. I didn’t believe it when people told me that was the turning point. People…for us it’s a thing.

How long it’ll be a thing?? Probably just about 3 weeks…then something else will happen. It always does. But for now? Wow.

~3~

What Even IS This Election??

I mean…seriously.


    

~4~

Fall Has ARRIVED!!!!!!

And rain and cozy blankets and hot coffee and soup and jackets and…

… probably by next week it’ll be hell hot again here in Texas. But for now it’s wonderful. Having grown up in CT and Upstate NY, I really took Fall for granted. Then I moved to Texas, and now I savor every orange/red/golden leaf I see.

 ~5~

Shining Light Dolls Are THE Best!

If you’re in the market for baby toys…one that’s the right size to not get choked on, but just right for gnawing on …this is it. We got ours as a gift from the uncle and aunt who spoil us so, and it’s LITERALLY the only thing Maria wants lately.


~6~

Essential Oils…Where Have You Been All My Life??

But for real. Lavender EO… I honestly think it saved bedtime. And nap time (Have I mentioned Maria was the WORST at sleeping?? Staying asleep is still a work in progress…but falling asleep is FINALLY peaceful!!). I’m hooked. If you’re looking to try some and support two AWESOME women…go here or here. I am. Cuz have I mentioned I’m hooked??

~7~

 12 Weeks Till Christmas…

…too soon?? Alrighty then….

8 Weeks till Thanksgiving!!!

Enjoy the Fall-ish Weather!!

Sometimes Beauty Sucks

In a previous post, I mentioned that beginning nursing was really difficult. But let’s be real. It sucked. And to be honest, sometimes it still sucks (yeah, teething, I’m looking at you…)

I know so many mothers who LOVE nursing. They found it beautiful. They bonded. They looked lovingly into their baby’s eyes. Then they cried when baby started to wean.

I will NOT cry (well, actually I probably will…but I cry about everything baby related. Just ask my husband…) because my nursing reality looks more like an MMA fight than a beautiful, bonding experience (unless you consider kicking, scratching, and screaming a bonding experience…)

My grievances thus far:

  • Sucky sucky latch for the first two months (ha! Get it? Sucky? Cuz she didn’t?….but seriously. A Nipple Shield saved us)
  • Short/inverted nipples (real breastfeeding talk y’all)
  • PAIN-FUL LATCH (for months!)
  • Slow letdown/under-supply (and baby screams at you because it’s just. too. slow.)
  • The inability to nurse in public (Seriously…my daughter gets MAJOR stage fright when people are around)
  • Forceful letdown/OVERsupply (it sounds great after dealing with a low supply right?? Wrong. Say goodbye to comfort nursing and nursing to sleep…and hello gagging every. time. she eats)
  • STRONG left-side preference (I can’t look at myself in the mirror without laughing)
  • Months of needing to bounce to nurse…
  • Followed by months of needing to lay down to nurse (while infinitely better than bouncing, it makes nursing in public suuuuuper tricksy, as if it wasn’t already)
  • Teething (those sore little gums want nothing to do with sucking…)
  •  D-MER (literally the worst. It’s a hormone-induced panic attack every time I have a letdown) 

Ha. It sure looks like a lot. But just you ask any nursing mom if she’s dealt with these. I’m pretty sure the list might be longer. (Like that beast, Mastitis. Shudder.)

      So…why am I still nursing if it sucks so much? 

      And also because I’m lucky I can. Regardless of what people say, breastfeeding isn’t always natural  (maybe if you birthed a 4 month old it would be). Sometimes it doesn’t work. And sometimes babies go to heaven too soon after birth. And sometimes baby gets carried up before birth. No amount of breastfeeding struggles can compare to that. 

      I’m beyond blessed to have a healthy (chunky!) baby girl, and regardless of how much it sucks, it’s actually nourishing her. And I DO think it’s beautiful…just very hard sometimes. So I’ll keep at it for however long she wants it. And I’m already praying that next time around it won’t be like this. 

      But for real. It better be smooth sailing.

      Maria’s Grand Entrance

      I’m in love with birth stories. To be fair I only discovered blog birth stories after my own little one’s birth. I think there’s something spiritual during a birth that unites all mommies together. So, if you’re a lover of birth stories like I am…enjoy. If not, you’ve been warned.

      At 39 weeks, I was des-pe-rate to not be pregnant anymore. Despite an awful first/second trimester (yay puke....), my last trimester had actually been great (my DI team had even won 5th place at the regional tournament!). Still…unless you’ve experienced the need to pee every. two. minutes, you don’t understand how BADLY I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore. 

      So of course we walked, ate spicy foods, bounced on the birthing ball …and I couldn’t sneeze without thinking it was time.


      Literally the longest week of my life.

      After a day of fasting for Good Friday (thank you husband for doing the actual fasting!), my husband and I finally admitted to ourselves that baby must not be ready. So after a week of painful Braxton Hicks, we decided to let go and let God.

      Saturday, Holy Saturday, 6am, I woke up to baby knocking on my cervix.

      I’d read that if you really want a natural birth at a hospital, you should take your time getting there. So against the wishes of a concerned husband and mom (who consequently was flying from NY to TX at the time), I took my sweet time. I showered , did my hair, packed last minute things…and leaned over the sink/bed/husband because I was contracting every three minutes. But I knew I wasn’t working yet, so no worries.

      When my husband FINALLY got me out the door… I was working. Smiles were gone. Deep, slow breaths and silence was how we drove the whole 30 minutes to the hospital. It was perfect. It was part of our plan.

      The moment they checked me, I was 3 measly cm. I started panicking; how on EARTH was I gonna make it without pain meds if I was just 3cm? After an hour and a half of walking the hospital, I jumped from 3cm to 7cm. Just hearing 7cm gave me the courage to push through.

      We labored for what felt like both minutes and days at the same time (in reality, from 6am to pushing, it was more like 7hrs). Mark totally earned his stripes as a Birthing Coach. After fasting the day before, and heading straight to the hospital that morning, he had zero food…but was calm, comforting, and spoke confidence into me through every. awful. contraction. What a man. Obviously I never acknowledged it at the time…but I couldn’t have made it without him. 

      The entire labor was a blur of pain and breathing. But I felt in control. We had a system to working through the contractions, our nurses were amazing and never got in the way, and we were mostly pain med free (I was taking an occasional sniff of the laughing  gas, but it made me nauseous…soooo no). I was working with the contractions just like we’d planned.

      I felt that primitive urge to push it OUT, and about half an hour later, everyone started shouting “Look at all that hair!”

      But then her head came out and the delivery room changed instantly. The cord was around her neck and constricting the farther she came. God bless my awesome doctor…she was clamped, cut, and I was pushing out her shoulders in seconds. But it was silent.

      They put her on my chest, but only long enough for me to see a blue, silent, not-breathing baby. I started asking no one in particular what was wrong, was she ok, why couldn’t I hear her. A billion doctors came into my little room, and I prayed. I begged her to cry. 


      Then a tiny meow came from across the room. With lots of effort, she was giving me her darnedest. People were telling me about fluid in the lungs and precautionary x-rays. I just wanted her safe and with me. But I accepted just safe, so long as Daddy was with her. They let me give her a quick kiss and my husband followed a team of doctors out of the room. 

      I waited. Alone. Aside from the doctor who was stitching me up. None of this was part of the birth plan. We were going to do delayed cord clamping. I was supposed to hold her to my chest before they could even clean her. They were going to leave her on me during my entire hour-long recovery, then wheel us together to our own private room.

      Instead I was clinging to my phone while the doctor quietly went about his work. Knowing Daddy was watching her was comforting…but I was supposed to be her first cuddle. She should have been in my arms, smelling my smell. I spent the next hour alone and waiting. While my precious little one, who I’d held in my belly for 9 Months but saw for a half second, went through needles and scans without Momma’s comfort. 

      The worst hour of my life.

      I was finally wheeled up to the NICU to see her, and…sweet babe that she is…she wailed me in. She has SOME pipes. But she was beautiful and healthy and LOUD! Ever since she’s been making up for not crying right out of the gate. 

      Looking around that NICU, with my chunky, observant, boisterous baby, Mark and I were almost embarrassed by how lucky we were. All around us were babies smaller than a hand. Parents were anxious. Exhausted. Scared. I had one hour of panic. They’d had days, weeks, months…and they weren’t getting their roly baby in just a few hours.

      After four more hours, we got Maria back for good (you couldn’t pry her away from me with a crowbar…just ask my mother!…sorry mom…). I cuddled, squeezed, kissed (experienced the horrors of first-time nursing! But that’s another story…), and I felt so incredibly grateful that she was alive and HEALTHY. Those first moments of our new family all alone in the hospital room, Mark and I kept thinking about the babies still in there. About the mommies and daddies not able to cuddle their babes. We almost felt guilty. But she was with us. And we were all together. And I prayed for all those  mommas still waiting.

      And then Mark ate for the first time in 24 hours. 

      Daydreaming Pitfalls 

      We’re moving! Into the same apartment complex!! (Bee-LIEVE me…moving from a 1 bedroom to a  2 bedroom is super exciting…yay for a washer/dryer!

      As thrilling as this move is…it’s gotten us daydreaming further down the road. To our dream house. Mark’s list of demands:

      • A roof
      • A kitchen 
      • Safe place to live 

      Ahem…my list of demands:

      • Porch
      • Porch swing 
      • Big yard
      • Big trees
      • NO STAIRS 
      • Open floor plan 
      • Bay window 
      • LOTS of windows 
      • Forever and ever amen

      Luckily, I’m pickier in my dreams than in reality. 

      There’s so many people our age in the same boat (or different boat, but  we’re at least in spitting distance of eachother). We yearn for that home, that stability, that forever feel. So we make plans, save every penny, and look towards the future.

      And that’s not wrong! (Hello…Melissa Pearson…current member of Daydreamers Anonymous)

      Making plans is beautiful! It drives us to better ourselves. It gives us something to work towards.


      However, personally…I sometimes notice it takes away the joys of right now. Believe you me…it’s not just apartment v. house either. First it was “Gah! I can’t wait till you’re old enough to JUST NURSE.” Now we’re teething, and I spend hours bouncing a screaming baby thinking, “I can’t wait till your teeth come out!!” And of course there’s the ever present, “When the next baby comes along…[insert baby dream here].”

      All legit dreams. 

      But my husband pointed out to me recently that sometimes I look at our daughter like a time bomb.

      And he’s not wrong


      As difficult as it is, I’m finding I need to take a step back and appreciate where I am for whatever it is. I can’t let God live in moments I never give Him (and there’ve been quite a few of those). Because honestly, my baby and my dog don’t care if we’re moving to our dream home. They do care that  I scratch bellies and kiss chubs (dog and baby respectively).


      So, I’m trying not to focus so much on the “Once I have…then I will”s, and more on the right here moments. Even when they’re messy. Because God is in those moments too.

      With that mindset as we move, I keep thinking I may not have my forever place…but this world isn’t meant for forevers…it’s meant for right nows. (And cuddles and giggles and screams etc etc)